In some metaphysical circles, it’s suggested that we never really see anyone’s true self, we only see a reflection of our own projections of what we believe someone else is like. That’s because the experiencer will always alter the experience, and we tend to do that quite well when it comes to other people. So, can I really suggest that some people are authentic and others are not? Is one person a good friend and another isn’t? Are some people toxic while others are not? Or are they all pieces of myself that I refuse to accept because they mirror back to me things I don’t like about myself?
It’s probably all of the above. No matter whether someone considers it judgmental or not, or unspiritual, we all have to eventually decide: Does this friendship enhance my life or detract from it? Is this a real friend or a frenemy? So, whether enemies are a part of us or not, connected through All That Is, it doesn’t mean we have to have tea with them or add them to our friends list.
Besides The Point When You’re A Single Parent
However, for a single parent who is always living life a little on edge, there sometimes comes a time when I have to demote or annul a friendship that becomes too impractical to continue supporting. At that point, it really is irrelevant to me whether I can turn the situation around just by emanating some mysterious energy of self-acceptance. At that point, I realize the situation is toxic, whether I contributed to it or not, and for the sake of my sanity, this person has to disappear from my life. If they can’t be bothered to see it my way for an instant, and change their offending behavior, I can’t be bothered to hang around for another instant either. Cold? Yes. Uncompassionate? I would argue that I am being compassionate to self first, and being kind to self too. If I can’t deal with someone and they continue to mess up my life, they eventually end up persona non grata, and I am quite quick to make sure they remain completely out of my sphere of influence. Why? Because I have my own household to take care of first, and then, if the energy is there, then I might attempt to support others. So, I have to be careful whom I choose to support so that I can continue to give, rather than be used up like a soiled nose tissue and be worthless to my child, myself, and others. If at that point, I get no support back and that person becomes a drain on my resources, I have to cut them loose, as painful as that may be for them.
If you’ve ever met a single parent, you will find that most of us just do not have the patience, the resources, or the willingness to dwaddle over situations that are bringing us down. They get immediately taken care of and the offending element is immediately removed. That’s what we do to survive for the sake of our children. So, some people think that’s callous, never having been single parents. That the world deserves a bleeding heart, regardless of other people’s actions. In a dream world, that would work, but when someone else’s needs take the food out of your own children’s mouths because they wear you down with their constant demands, that’s when the parent will almost always pick the child’s needs above some outside friend. And, out they go!
Virtual Friendships
I’ve noticed something really nice about Facebook. I’ve noticed I can remove friends and it won’t notify them. One day they’re my friend, and the next they’re off my list and I don’t have to hear another peep out of them. Or, if I just want to demote them because they want to spam my newsfeed with marketing gimmicks, I can go down to the newsfeed options and choose to “hear less” about this so called friend. They’re never advised that you are simply ignoring them. Because it’s so virtual, they can continue to send out whatever they want and you never have to actually contact them again. So, recently I terminated an obvious marketer on my friends list. He was beginning to send more so called friends to me, other marketers! That’s what I think anyways. I wondered whether I should reject a person based on that alone, but you know, one bad apple spoils the barrel, as cliche as that is. Pretty soon, they’ll be harvesting my friends list and sending out invitations for friendships to them who will see me listed as a mutual friend and will accept it on that basis. So, I feel I have an obligation to make sure I don’t pass along these bad apples to other people.
Can I Get One Of These Gizmos In Real Life?
Now, if someone would just create the a real “virtual” me for daily life so that when the old boyfriend calls even after you’ve dumped him, or the friend who just needs one more favor bumps into you, or the professional people (who insist they’re really your friends when they just want another sale) phone, my virtual me can give them everything they want without me really being there and I can be metaphysically in the right too! They have their universe where I get used up like an old hankie and I have mine, where I support myself by valuing my own self-worth and leaving. After all, it’s not really me they’re interested in. It’s some response or reaction that I’m too stupid to realize that I don’t want to engage in. That’s what they’re looking for.
All I know is that I really don’t think your wealth has anything to do with the number of friends you have, but the quality of friends that you have. I know people with many friends who are quite poor, in my estimation, because they are people I would never bother to associate with because they only hang around to bring you down or take something from you. They are so common now that there is even a term for them now in modern lexicon: frenemies. Please, please, please, if you have one on your friends list, get rid of them. The frenemy of your friend is our next frenemy too. How do you think I hooked up with that marketer in the first place?
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